Leadership has one unseen essential—and it’s love. We can’t be leaders without it. But there are some important things to know about yourself in order to be able to love others at all.
1. Your Makeup
This answers the question “how am I put together?” Who are you really? Well, I can tell you one thing about you—you are an incredible creation with infinite value, dignity, and worth. Has anyone ever told you that? And has anyone ever communicated your gifts and potential so clearly to you that it profoundly influenced your life, that it helped define who you are today? Their loving words of affirmation inspired you to become what you are today.
But so many people—so many of our children—are trying to find themselves and define themselves in unhealthy ways. They don’t have any idea who they are and they don’t have any idea how valuable they are. They need to hear us affirm and validate them for who they are: a masterpiece. And just as your kids and students need that affirmation, your employees and colleagues will also benefit from your validating them and their strengths. You need to know your makeup and your value so that you, in turn, can value and love others.
2. Your Motive
This answers the question “why do I do what I do?” Stop and ask yourself, “What’s my motive?” “Why do I help others?” “Do I really want to give of myself or am I just trying to get something out of it?” Winston Churchill once said, “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.” Am I living my life to give or to get? Am I serving on a board or committee at work so I’ll get recognized? Am I helping a cause to get a sound bite on television or in the newspaper? Am I giving money to get my name in the program, a seat of honor at the banquet, a position of power? In short, each of us needs to ask, “Am I a serving or self-serving leader? Am I living my life to give or to get?”
And I’ll confess—I have served on boards and sought appointments to key positions all for recognition, to get my name in the limelight. But I’m learning that to truly love others, my motive must be pure, that I must give selflessly, not selfishly—to give without expectation of receiving anything in return. Your motive must be pure to truly lead with love.
3. Your Message
This answers the question “what am I passionate about?” What’s the message that’s bubbling up inside of you? What do you want to pour out to others? What are you passionate about? What gives you pleasure may be what you’re passionate about—it may be your message to share with others. But what gives you pain may also unlock the key to what you’re really passionate about. Turn your pleasure into passion. Turn your pain into passion. And then turn your passion into love for others.
4. Your Method
This answers the question “how can I love others?” And how do you love others? Loving starts at home, as a spouse, as a parent, as a grandparent. You know, we can be so busy helping our clients and constituents or volunteering at church or in the community that we forget about our own families. It’s so easy to do, especially when we don’t get those accolades, awards, and applause from a spouse and kids. But the health of our families depends on making those relationships a top priority.
Then we can talk about how to love others outside our families. Robert Frost once said, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” In workplaces today, we are not often encouraged to love and serve other people. Most of us take the highway, the wide road, the road everyone else is on. And the highway serves, well, me. But as leaders, we should be on the road less traveled, the narrow road, the road of self-sacrifice and service of others. How will you love others? Know your method.
5. That You’re a Model
This answers the question “what do I model to others?” It may be positive or negative, but remember, we are all “under the influence” of others and, we all influence others. Whether you know it or not, each of you is a role model to others. Someone is on the receiving end of everything you say and do. You have a great opportunity to influence those around you.
When you know your makeup, motive, message, and method, then you can lead with love and be a model of love, authentic, genuine love—giving, serving, selfless, sacrificial love. When you know your makeup, know your motive, know your message, know your method, and know you’re a model, then you will know how to deeply love others.
Who’s the most loving leader you’ve ever worked for or followed? Share in a comment below.
