Every marriage faces hardship. It’s a given. This list covers most of the common troubles, but your situation is unique. The key point here is to face the difficulty—whatever kind of marriage trouble it is—together with your spouse.
Do you remember your marriage vows?
“For better, for worse…”
“In sickness and in health…”
“For richer, for poorer…”
These promises presuppose tough times. We went into our marriage with our eyes open, so there’s really no excuse for not bringing everything we have to the table when, once in a while, things get dicey. Here are 10 marital hardships and how to overcome them.
1. Financial Struggle
The stress associated with money problems can be overwhelming. But in the end, it’s only money. And money has no power over your commitment to your relationship. Commit to a plan. Live simply. Never keep financial (or any other) secrets from each other.
2. Challenging Children
Even the best behaved children in the world present challenges, and the number one casualty is always the relationship between their mom and dad. So remember this: The marriage comes first. Not the kids, the marriage. Nurture your relationship with your spouse, and you will be better equipped to deal with whatever the kids dish out. For single parents, it’s increasingly important to stay connected with your child’s other parent, as hard as that might be.
3. Immaturity
Great relationships are supposed to mature over time. If you still relate to one another the same way you did when you first married, then it’s past time for the marriage to grow up. Get involved in a couples group at your faith community. Love one another “out loud.” Invest in the marriage as if your life depends on it—because it does.
4. Unfaithfulness
Marriages run into this hardship often. We may not sleep with other women, but we’re all guilty of being unfaithful with our time, attention, priorities, the way we use our resources, and so much more. One way to deal with this is to recommit yourself to your wife. Woo your wife all over again. Make it clear that your spouse and your marriage are your priorities and that your priorities steer your time and attention.
5. Moving
It’s a fact. Most Americans change careers several times. That often means moving across the state or across the world. Moving is a huge stressor. Regardless of whether it’s because of your job or your spouse’s, make the decision to be 100% supportive and flat out refuse to whine. Do what it takes to get invested in the new community quickly. Find a church. Get involved. Move forward.
6. Sickness
We forget how much we rely on one another until someone breaks down physically. If you’re the one still standing, do everything in your power to be a servant to your spouse. Sure, it’s tough to do everything, but your attempt with an obvious willing spirit is going to make all the difference.
7. Depression
Everyone goes through the blues at times in their lives. Here again, it’s about having the heart of a servant, about going the extra mile, and about putting the needs of your wife ahead of your own. Look to God for your source of happiness. Be a conduit of that joy to your spouse. And seek professional help if necessary.
8. Disinterest
Sometimes, it happens the first year. Sometimes, it takes a decade or so. Regardless of where we are on the time spectrum, disinterest or boredom can easily set in. Not feeling anything special about the relationship is a hardship for everyone, but it doesn’t have to be. Our job is to be intentional about the relationship. Your spouse didn’t fall for you in the first place without any effort on your part, so why stop making an effort now? When was the last time you went on a date? Have you told your spouse lately how stunning he or she looks? What about taking a day off devoted to each other?
9. Career
We have already talked about moving, but career issues can cause hardship without a change of location. Keep your spouse in the loop. Ask for his or her opinion about what you’re up to. Do everything in your power to protect family time and to promote a work culture that respects family values.
10. Empty Nest
We invest a lot in the kids. If we’re not careful, our relationships with our spouses get neglected. Guard against that by investing in each other now. Rather than mourn the children after they leave, try celebrating the freedom you now have to invest more time and interest in your marriage. Again, it’s all about being intentional.
What is the hardest thing you have ever overcome? Share in a comment.
