A coworker of mine tells a story about her parents when they were newly married. The young wife was doubled over in pain and thought she needed to go to the hospital. Her husband, on the other hand, insisted it was probably just a stomachache. He thought he knew better, so he decided not to listen to his spouse. Spoiler alert: It was a big deal. His wife later ended up in surgery.
Listening matters in marriage, and not enough spouses are doing it well. Our spouses deserve to be heard. When we fail to listen to them, we hurt them. If we want our marriages to thrive, we have to change how we view listening. It’s not a chore. It’s a choice, and doing it well and often shows love to your spouse. If you think you usually know best, today’s a good day to rethink how you’re listening. Here are 4 reasons to listen to your spouse.
1. Your spouse knows things you don’t.
Men and women see, experience, and navigate the world differently. That means your wife probably has knowledge you don’t. That doesn’t mean you’re deficient. It means he or she brings insight to your marriage. Don’t be prideful, pretending you know it all. Ask your spouse to teach you new things. Maybe she has fresh ideas about finances. Maybe he knows more about healthy eating. Listen when your spouse speaks, and consider his or her viewpoint.
2. Your spouse has skills you don’t have.
My wife, Susan, is much better at telling stories than me. She just has a way of painting a picture with her words that invites people in. If we’re in a group setting and one of us needs to share a story, I’ll defer to her. In marriage, most spouses have differing skills. That’s good! You’re better at some things. She’s better at others. Allow your skills to complement each other’s skills. It’s tempting to feel inferior if your spouse is better than you at something, but each spouse’s skills are an asset to your marriage. Don’t try to be an expert in areas where your spouse is stronger. You do what you’re good at. Let your spouse do what he or she is good at. And with your combined skills, you can do for the world more as a unit than you ever could alone.
3. Your spouse’s desires should matter to you.
Marriage is a team sport. When one spouse dominates, the marriage falls out of rhythm. Your desires won’t always align with each other’s, but your spouse’s desires should always matter to you. Ignoring your spouse’s desires is dismissive and hurtful, so listen up when he or she expresses something important to him or her. It clearly shows that you respect, care for, and value your spouse. If a desire leads to disagreement, talk it out.
4. Your spouse’s goals may be different from yours.
Because goals are personal, we can tend to overlook our spouse’s and prioritize our own. Resist that urge. Your life isn’t just about you. Listen to what your spouse is striving after. In what ways can you help contribute to your spouse’s success? When you said vows at your wedding, you told everyone there that you’d support each other no matter what. Lean into that pledge when your goals are different.
Would you say you’re a bad, decent, good enough, or great listener? Share in a comment.
